@rogstad.com: Crumbs from Rogstad's Mailbox

What to do With a Traffic Ticket...

nobody@vox.com(Rogstad) — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 10:39:59 -0700

Crying shame this doesn't work, but sorry, it doesn't.

This advice was sent by a retired State Farm agent! This system has been tried and it works in every state.

If you get a speeding ticket or went through a red light, or whatever the case may be, you're going to get points on your license and a surcharge on your auto insurance. This is a method to insure that you DO NOT get the points.

When you get your fine, send in a check to pay for it. If the fine is $79.00 make the check out for $82.00, some small amount over the fine. The system will then have to send you back a check for the difference. However, here is the trick: DO NOT CASH THE REFUND CHECK! Throw it away! THAT'S RIGHT...THROW IT AWAY...

Points are not assessed to your license until all Financial Transactions are complete. If you do not cash the check, then the transactions are NOT complete. The system has received its money and is satisfied and will no longer bother you.

This information comes from an unmentionable computer company that sets up the standard databases used by every state.

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Lizard Birth

nobody@vox.com(Rogstad) — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 11:32:28 -0700

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was 'something wrong' with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

'He's just lying there looking sick,' he told me. 'I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?'

I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom.

One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.

'Honey,' I called, 'come look at the lizard!'

'Oh, my gosh!' my wife exclaimed. 'She's having babies.'

'What?' my son demanded. 'But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!'

I was equally outraged.

'Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce,' I said accusingly to my wife.

'Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?' she inquired (I think she actually said this sarcastically!)

'No, but you were supposed to get two boys!' I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth).

'Yeah, Bert and Ernie!' my son agreed.

'Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know,' she informed me (Again with the sarcasm!).

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

'Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience,' I announced. 'We're about to witness the miracle of birth..'

'Oh, gross!' they shrieked

'Well, isn't THAT just great? What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?' my wife wanted to know.

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.

'We don't appear to be making much progress,' I noted.

'It's breech,' my wife whispered, horrified.

'Do something, Dad!' my son urged.

'Okay, okay.' Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug.

It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.

'Should I call 911?' my eldest daughter wanted to know. 'Maybe they could talk us through the trauma.' (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

'Let's get Ernie to the vet,' I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.

'Breathe, Ernie, breathe,' he urged.

'I don't think lizards do Lamaze,' his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.).

The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.

'What do you think, Doc, a C-section?' I suggested scientifically.

'Oh, very interesting,' he murmured. 'Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?'

I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

'Is Ernie going to be okay?' my wife asked.

'Oh, perfectly,' the vet assured us. 'This lizard is not in labor.. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen. . .

Ernie is a boy.. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um . . um . . .. masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back.' He blushed, glancing at my wife..

We were silent, absorbing this.

'So, Ernie's just . just . .. . excited,' my wife offered.

'Exactly! ! the vet replied , relieved that we understood.

More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

'What's so funny?' I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness...

Tears were now running down her face. 'It's just .that .. . I'm picturing you pulling on its . . . its. . . teeny little . . ' She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

'That's enough,' I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car.. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

'I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad,' he told me.

'Oh, you have NO idea,' my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

Two lizards: $140.

One cage: $50.

Trip to the vet: $30.

Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie: Priceless!

Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class.

Lizards lay eggs!

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Now THIS is True Skill!

nobody@vox.com(Rogstad) — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 08:34:49 -0700

Lady Gets Her Clothes Stripped By An Excavator

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Awww, How Cute!

nobody@vox.com(Rogstad) — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 13:27:51 -0700

Tara & Bella - The Odd Couple of Animal Kingdom!

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Presidential Jeopardy...

nobody@vox.com(Rogstad) — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 05:56:14 -0700

Presidential Jeopardy on Jay Leno

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Watch the Video Before Reading the Explanation...

nobody@vox.com(Rogstad) — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 12:30:36 -0700

Policeshooting

Watch this video BEFORE reading the explanation below!

In case you are one of those who form immediate opinions on videos you see.......

This is a real Police Shooting...... Watch the video before you read any further.

WATCH THE VIDEO NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!! then read below.

It is very likely that you'll form a quick opinion of these two officers when the suspect is shot.

Watch the video and what do you see? An officer ordering the suspect to put the gun down and it appears he is complying.

And then him being shot Is that what you see.

Now, do you want to know what it is like to work the streets and what you DO face?

Watch the video AGAIN ....and now watch the suspect's right hand while he places the weapon down with his left hand!

What you DON'T see ........but the officer behind the suspect DOES see is the suspect is pulling a hidden handgun from his rear pants with his right hand and as he falls, you can see that handgun in his right hand.

Just a reminder ........what you think you see at first does NOT always tell the truth of the whole situation. Watch it again, and learn!

Being a policeman is NOT an easy job but making a good split second decision can save his life!!

SOMETIMES THE GOOD GUY'S WIN.

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A Random Thought...

nobody@vox.com(Rogstad) — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 12:12:03 -0700

Just thinking....

Did you consider that President Obama probably signed his stimulus package at the same desk where President Clinton got his package stimulated?

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Can-struction...

nobody@vox.com(Rogstad) — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 12:07:20 -0700

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A New Mouse for Women

nobody@vox.com(Rogstad) — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 11:45:27 -0700

After years of research, scientists have discovered that women do not like the standard mouse given away with PC's. Scientists found that there is not a physical reason for their aversion; It is more of Psychological problem.

Some women reported that their mouse 'just didn't feel right' in their hands. Based on the research,a new mouse has been designed especially for women.

Various field tests have been carried out on the new design:

ATT00001

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Things to do When You are Really Bored...and Drunk...

nobody@vox.com(Rogstad) — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 11:43:10 -0700

Amazing Beer Bottle Dominoes

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